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Wednesday, 24 October 2012

The Joy of Pissing People off.






Well, there you go. ‘Free from cancer.’ Three words you want to hear from an Oncologist. I am contemplating having them tattooed on my arse in Verdana size 16 font.

A little over a year ago, I went through the invasive but necessary tests to determine whether the cancer has returned to eat more bits I need to enable me to function normally. The all-important news, the results of said invasive probing, incredibly took another WHOLE year for an appointment to tell me.

So, it’s been five years since being told I had bowel cancer and subsequent surgery, on tenterhooks since then, not knowing if it’s come back, not wanting to know, avoiding strenuous exercise or anything that will get the heart rate up. Scared in the irrational belief that those bastard little cancer cells will wizz faster around my battered insides and attach themselves to the bits I need the most.

From the moment, I asked ‘How bad?’ the original answer of ‘About nine months without drastic surgery’ put me in a life stasis. Immediately ambition, wants and plans went on hold, time stood still and did for five years or so. Now I’m a bit like an old locomotive rusted to the tracks, with my three new words that may or may not end up on my arse (going off the idea already, I’m so fickle) I’m creaking forward slowly hissing my way to whatever lay before me. Finally.

Cockier than ever it seems, I’m certainly pissing people off. The all clear has made me more of a cheeky fucker than normal; I’ve even recently picked a fight with a little bloke and give my astonishingly supportive wife a lot of lip. My cockney is reasserting itself like never before. Frankly, and apparently I no longer give a flying fuck.

Is there a parable playing out here?

Maybe that cheeky teenager, the abrupt old man or woman with the fuck you persona you met today had a ‘life on hold’ term of stasis recently. Give them a bit of slack, maybe they are finding their place in the world once again. Believe that they are actually glad to be alive and are enjoying one of life’s greatest pleasures. Letting YOU know they are here having stepped out of the shadow of death.

The joy of pissing people off?

Dee-lic-ious.