How Clean is Your Towel

Are you near the end game in your life? 

Taking stock of all the things you have done that were not of the standard you originally set for yourself? 

You may have been better at fixing things from your past than you thought...

  I like to think we have been given a pristine clean towel at birth. We are tasked with keeping it as clean as possible. but we layer it with stain after stain and perhaps ignoring its cleanliness most of our lives.

 

  Indeed my entrusted towel has stains that are so hard to shift, Perhaps it is dirty enough to get sent back here for someone else to clean, maybe several times. maybe my towel is very old or maybe its very young?

  Parts of my own towel I’ve tried to clean can clearly be seen to have been scrubbed time and time again, It’s often the same areas that keeps getting dirty. Some parts are wearing thin with the effort.

  I think some special good people are sent the dirtiest towels, they have been given the greatest responsibility because they have the strength to get scrubbing and get that towel/soul clean.

 There are indeed people and places, epiphanies and well-meaning intenders that will help to change you to be better at life, there is no shame in asking for help.

As I’ve gotten older I have realised there is no real concern with the cause of the stains of my bad judgement or the dust from my less than perfect life as a father, husband, sibling or friend.

 

 When your time comes to reflect, a few worn out but nearly clean areas on your soul/towel shows where in life you tried to be better. No need for a detailed life report as nobody was ever watching you. Just holding up your towel to the great light it will be seen how hard you tried to right your wrongs and cleans your soul.

 

Note: I have rewritten this so many times, I am sure what I'm trying to say, my message is not to panic as you get older, you tried your best. I will probably give it another go until it flows simply. or maybe I'm scrubbing a bit of my towel even now...

Fuck This, Go Rob a Bank

What is this now? Another middle aged gripe? Another feckless moan at the futility of it all. Maybe its the realisation we all get to when you reach that point in life when surely, it all HAS a point right? Of course your work life is not the point OF life, but work life balance should surely swing in your favour as one gets older, I have made sensible decisions, done ok here and there, bereavements are the norm in any family of course and maybe I have had a little more than my fair share of those.

But fuck this, the only people I see doing well are the ruthless and the cleverest that can bend a rule or legally interpret something that allows them to skim the surface of criminality.

My own anarchic soul that's allowed itself to be chained to my sensibilities is screaming through the noise of  societal indoctrinated respectability shouting...

'FUCK THIS, GO AND ROB A BANK'

Fuck this, go rob a bank.

Forty years of graft behind me.

Still have the nothing.

Spent the money on keeping up with the price of life.

Going up faster than I can pay for it.

The odds stacked against most of me.

They need me to be behind.

Creates demand.

Look down, see what you find.

See a dog when it is thrown scraps.

Its head down sniffing out the goodies.

That is I.

Head down sniffing out the goodies.

Conforming is easier.

The man pats you gently.

Gives you a little for it.

The many-armed godhead has its hands in all your pockets.

Fuck this, go rob a bank.

Chance is the new opportunity.

Opportunity for chance everywhere.

Fuck this, go rob a bank.

Have a year off, do as you please.

Out of the gaze of the man

For a while at least.