| Bored. |
It’s simple. I want you to
lie more AND I don’t care if you are shit at lying either. Myself and my fellow
Twitter brethren are getting terribly
bored lately and YOU are my problem, I Love being told a good story in the cab,
I am not interested if it’s true or not, but it HAS to be good. I am a taxi
driver, a stranger, someone you are unlikely to ever meet again. My association
for bullshit is, like it or not, something I have to live with. So it’s ok,
bring it on.
I used to get a lot of
faux scientists that invented Jaffa cakes and smooth action tampons and people
pretending to be fake doctors, when in fact most of them were still wearing
their trainee nurse’s uniform under a coat, even had a guy pretending to be a
famous drummer, which may have been true, he did have a stick. I also had a
gold prospector that did his thing in his secret place in a wood nearby, he proudly
waved a battery operated nail and metal finder thing from Wickes at me. Alas
the tall stories have all but dried up.
It is true to say I sniff
out bullshit and put it on the Twitter quite often, it’s not all rubbish, some
tales are quite harrowing and treated with as much kindness and respect as I
can. But COME ON! I need a bit of help here! My twitter page is not for talking
about myself! Jaysus I’m dead boring me, I haven’t even got a hobby or a vice
or a moany family to dribble on about. My life isn’t shit and I’ve not got any
lurgies I want to share with you. I need my customers spouting bollox with
regularity. If not to put on twitter but to at least keep me amused in my
mundane work life that has me mostly sitting around taking pictures of lamp
posts and judging cats size (NOT cats eyes btw.) there are some big pussies out
there let me tell you.
Is Twitter to blame? Are
you worried your BS will hit the Twittersphere via my internet-o-phone as soon
as you get out of the cab? Er… well it will, AND if you are mildly famous, I
have the means to get your golden bullshit into the actual papers made of
actual paper. I knows people you know. I’m careful mind with the local
townsfolk, I see a lot of dodgy behaviour from, quite frankly, supposedly respectable
people and if I want to stay alive locally, I ain’t never seen nuffink, right?
So come on bring on the
bullshit, don’t be afraid, the bloke that said he was a dog sterilizer, he went
for it, he even had a squeezy bottle of bleach and a sponge (no, really, he
did.) or the womanising eunuch. I don’t know what that is either, but don’t be
telling me you are a porn star, male or female ‘cos that’s getting real old
now.
I am @mr_taxi_man on
Twitter, you can follow me if you want, you may get bored, waiting for a tweet
from me is like waiting for a cab, a lot of nothing then ten come along at
once.
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